I feel like there is no getting away from this harsh reality, where the world is falling apart and everyone is just doing what they can to scrape by. Ever since 9/11, the news has been ever depressing and I can't honestly see us getting out of this recession anytime soon.

This year is probably the worst year to graduate. It's even more depressing to graduate from MIT. I don't feel like I've learned enough, or enjoyed my time here. I've been stuck in a kind of limbo where I'm never really happy and very stuck in work every day. What do I do after graduation? There have been so many rejections and I'm already numb. I'm not saying that I don't feel that things will work out, but it's just frustrating dealing with the emotions that come in between. I hope something works out well because I keep thinking of my family and our financial burdens.

This morning, I had an interview. This man saw my SAT scores and asked me if I had trouble getting  into MIT. I didn't understand and he went on to say, "I don't understand... my son has a 1600 and didn't get into MIT but you did." That was just such a terrible way to start off the interview.

Class is over. Just wanted to write since no one reads these anyway and I should really keep posting. I was told it would help me.

The fuck.

$175 of phone bills. You know what you could get? A nice article of clothing, a good meal with wine for two, or perhaps just extra spending money (since you're never really making any unless you win the lottery).

Lots of thoughts lately. Maybe it's just because being in Iceland gives me more time to think about things and how some stuff in my life suck. Trust me, only the relationship department is the worst, but gets me the most emo. Not to worry, though, because I know there are other things going for me.

It's been 6+ months. I was searching my gmail for your name and there were 782 hits. I read them all. You can see where the highs and lows are and how it dwindled to absolutely nothing. I suppose I just miss things, right? Probably. I miss having a spiciness-o-meter and a good friend to talk to. It just pisses me off that there is nothing to say but so many things to feel, even after all that has been said and done. I really have never been upset this way for so long.

So why no hamsters? Because I know that I am not ready. I am somewhat relieved that we can't talk. I feel that it was all just... easy? Too easy, in fact. You're a good person and all, but like a hamster running in a wheel, you'll never get to the top because your self-weight will always exist to hold you down. So why be so cruel to put you on this endless wheel? I am not and will not. I would rather be forgotten and allowed to figure things on my own. Please don't bother. Sorry to cause hurt. Obviously, I am not ready to try to have this amount to something substantial.

I'm sick of listening to these songs that get me down (because most of them are from you). Even the weather has been a poor sight to see lately.

Well, tomorrow is another day! In my attempt to appear hopeful and cheery, I will say that I am still set out to accomplish everything I have always aimed to do. I will love myself first, genuinely. This means: baller job, acing MIT, fun times with friends (maybe blacking out here and there for once), yummy-in-my-tummy food adventures, good health, and complete satisfaction with all of my choices. It's all about ME first. My motto: "My happiness first." Then it's a constant battle between you and other people for the title of the victor. In my case, it's going to be me, so don't even try.

I'm going to be a titan in my field. If I stand alone, it will be one very good view for these eyes and no one else.